I'll Drown
by rabid kuma
Summary: Hiding inside an abandoned barn in the middle of nowhere was not exactly what we had planned for the evening. I glanced at him as he ran a gloved hand through his short hair. It was a strange sight, even two months later...Mentions of EdxOC, eventual RoyxEd. Written for a friend, prompted by Soley's "I'll Drown" via her request.
1. Chapter 1

"Well, fuck this wasn't my greatest idea," Edward's smile betrayed the exasperated sigh that escaped him.

I shook my head, peering out of the window into the winter landscape before us. "Your way with words will get you killed one of these days." Edward chuckled, turning his attention back to what was going on outside. Hiding inside an abandoned barn in the middle of nowhere was not exactly what we had planned for the evening. I glanced at him as he ran a gloved hand through his short hair.

It was a strange sight, even two months later. The style looked good on him, no doubt about that. Especially when it came forward the way it was now. The style gave him an interesting combination of young sex appeal and confidence that I hadn't realized he could even possess. Now, it was like he was a completely different person. The last year or so, Edward had mellowed out considerably. His tendency to fly off the handle, emotions raging, had begun to simmer to a quieter and more direct approach to a solution.

It made me wonder what had changed. His hair had been the staple of his appearance almost as much as his red coat and black attire had been in his youth. Even that had changed in the last year, opting for the blue uniform. The decision to actually wear it most likely was due to him finally reaching a stout 5 feet, 9 inches. He was still muscular, but less stocky than before. I found myself having a hard time believing he was twenty-four this year.

Twelve years had come and gone. Too fast, in my opinion.

"Hey, Mustang!" Edward nudged me with an elbow, tearing my attention from the frosted over window. "I don't think they'll bother to look for us, if they even managed to follow this far. What do you think-fire, or no fire?"

I sighed, scratching my chin absentmindedly. "We should wait before drawing attention to ourselves this soon. I'm not going to die of hypothermia because you wanted to pick a fight with the biggest guy in the place over alchemy."

Edward snorted, "Tch, what was he going to do about it? All it would have taken was a simple transmu-"

"Exactly, and then you would have given them the only reason they needed to start a fight." I interrupted him, knowing where his argument with this topic usually went.

Instead of arguing, however, Edward only shrugged and grabbed his pack off the ground. "At least I would have been able to prove MY point. Regardless, we're unscathed and not dead yet." The smile in his voice made me groan to myself quietly. Of course we weren't dead yet, thanks to me! "You can stop sulking about it, you know. I'm well aware I was out of line."

This time I turned and met his gaze. It hit me again that this was not the brash teenager I was used to-predictibly unpredictable. Now, he was just unpredictable no matter what. I glanced away, sighing, "I just wish you'd chosen a better climate to do this in. I'm hoping that it's safe enough within the hour to start a fire otherwise we'll be getting very familiar with each other."

"Well, I did buy a bottle of wine and a bottle of that bourbon. Although I'm sure you wouldn't want to be any kind of inebriated in case they do find us."

I decided to sit across from Edward as he flashed that trademark grin, wiggling the bottle at me before stashing it back in his pack. "Why do you even have those?"

Edward shrugged. "Al said he had some great news for me, so I'm expecting to hear that he and Winry are getting married or that she's pregnant, or both. My baby brother was very cryptic over the phone, which is unusual. He must be excited about whatever it is."

"Alphonse has come a long way in these last few years."

"I couldn't be more proud of him than I have been lately. He's doing what he wants with his life. He gets to help people and Winry finally quit hitting me with heavy tools. Never thought I'd see the day Al would be able to breathe and feel again." Edward leaned against the wall, eyes half closed. "It's about time things worked out for him."

I noticed the heavy change in his tone and it was alarming. The longer I stared at him, Edward appeared almost depressed. I glanced up to the window behind him, realizing the snow and wind had picked up considerably. It was unlikely that anyone would bother to continue looking for us with the weather worsening. I looked back at Edward and battled my wants with what I knew was the right thing to do.

Fuck it.

"You mentioned bourbon, are you sure you can handle it?" I said, the teasing in my voice more prominent that I'd expected.

Edward cracked an eye open at me in disbelief. "You're serious? No lecture on the importance of maintaining a clear head when we're at risk of being attacked by mongoloid townsfolk with pitchforks and torches? No 'Hey, that's a terrible fucking idea and I'm going to hit you for even joking about it?'"

At his last comment, I had to laugh. "I've only hit you when you deserved it, and those times were few and far between."

"Still a little fresh in my memory, sorry." Edward laughed quietly. "Although you are right, I usually did have it coming." He leaned over his pack for a moment and withdrew the dark liquor. After messing with the cork, he clapped his hands together and gently grasped the glass jug in both hands. Frost traveled up the sides almost immediately. Taking a swig, he handed it off to me.

"I'm surprised, I wouldn't have taken you for a man that enjoys the finer things in life."

Edward hummed in response. "You forget that you aren't the only good-looking guy in Amestris anymore, Mustang."

At that, I found myself chuckling. "You think you can compete with these looks? I'm practically a legend."

"And legends grow old, then fade away." Edward smirked. "Face it, old man, your time has come and gone. Better settle down before you embarrass yourself."

"I could say the same to you," I paused, taking another swig before handing the bourbon back to him.

Edward drew up his knees, his pack between his legs as he took a long draw out of the bottle. "If I find someone capable of dealing with the mess in my head, it'll be a miracle." He laughed, but it was almost mirthless.

After a few minutes of silence, I realized the alcohol already warming my insides. His comment brought a slew of questions to mind. "Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"What made you decide to finally wear the standard issue uniform?"

His calculated, blank stare said more than his next words. "Because I can finally fit into one."

"Did you just crack a short joke at yourself?"

Edward smiled halfheartedly. "I guess I did, huh?"

"You can answer honestly, Ed. I'm sure it's a more simple answer than we didn't have a size that fit you. They're tailored to individuals for a reason."

Fear flickered across his features and he quickly glanced away. "Got tired of being a brat about it, I guess. It's really not that big of a deal. Once I wore it a few times, I felt ridiculous for all the energy I put into fighting you about it." He tipped the bottle up once more and passed it back to me. "Answer my question next? Seems fair, you know, equivalent exchange."

"What's on your mind?"

"In all seriousness, why haven't you settled down yet? And I don't want some crap excuse, either. You used to be up to your ears in tits."

Now it was my turn to look away guiltily as I put the bottle to my lips. At least his vulgarity hadn't changed much...

"It's not exactly the easiest thing to explain. There are too many factors, which mostly include my time at work and the responsibilities that ensue. Not many women are as patient and understanding as Gracia was for Maes. That woman was one in a million." I sighed heavily. Edward looked away, grief passing over his features for a moment or two before he met my gaze again. "We both lost a part of ourselves we'll never gain back that day."

The unspoken part of my confession registered clearly on Edward's face as he blushed. "I didn't realize he meant that much to you." He spoke quietly and almost too carefully.

I smiled solemnly, "Not many people did. Gracia was a very understanding woman when it came to us."

Edward cleared his throat a little, and I could barely see how glassy his eyes were, but the emotion he displayed there went beyond what I thought was capable. "I didn't mean to...-"

"Nonsense, Fullmetal, don't apologize. We're playing a game of honesty here, drunk or not, rules are rules. Speaking of, I do believe it's my turn." Another swallow of bourbon passed my lips and it burned all the way down as I handed it back to him, taking note of the contents. If we kept this up, the bottle would be gone within the hour. I waited until he took his mouthful of the liquor before asking, "Why did you cut your hair?"

Our eyes locked in a strange moment of emotion that was too complicated to read. Hurt, anger, confusion... It swirled around his face too fast to really pin it down. He set the bottle between his legs with unsteady hands, taking in a sharp breath. "I needed a change."

He made it sound so simple, but the pain behind the statement was palpable. I could tell by the way he was fingering the lip of the bottle that he was trying to decide what to say next, so I waited patiently with a fixed and steady gaze. When he finally looked up at me, his lips were twisted in such a way that I'd never seen before. "It started about a year ago. I should have known better, but it was the first time I truly felt like I connected with someone-anyone, and I fell head over heels. About 3 months ago, we broke it off. Shit became complicated because we were careless."

I cocked my head to the side, watching him scratch his forehead. I decided to give him a moment to consider whether or not he wanted to continue when he finally let out a sigh.

"His name is Ilyich Grey," Edward whispered. "He had twin sons, Benjamin and Trevor. His wife died almost two years ago. I feel so stupid for thinking I deserved any kind of happiness with him."

My eyes widened with the realization of his words. His eyes locked with mine, filled with an anguish I'd only seen a few times in that beautiful gaze. "What happened?"

Edward frowned, as if he wasn't going to answer. I briefly wondered if he realized the question was out of turn.

"His in-laws came back hours earlier than expected with the kids. We were in the back yard on the hammock and didn't hear them when they got there. It wouldn't have been difficult to explain my presence there, but since the best Ben or Trevor could manage to say my name was Dee, they had assumed Ilyich was seeing someone. So when they decided to come back early it was to meet me. Anyway, we were caught in a very intimate moment. Can't really explain away why the father of your grandchildren is elbow deep in another man's trousers."

Edward took another long swig from the bottle and handed it back to me. I took the bottle, but grasped his hand in mine. "You deserve happiness, Edward. No matter what you may think, you of all people in this world deserve to be happy. He should have been stronger for you, should have stood up for you."

He chuckled drunkenly. "It wasn't that he didn't try, Mustang. They threatened to take the kids, threatened to out me to the military, threatened to take the house, since it was still in their name when he married their daughter. Not that I care, but it was the simple fact they weren't above having him committed to a psychiatric ward and declared an unfit parent. It was a mutual agreement that we not see each other anymore. I don't want to be responsible for tearing another family apart. I fucked up Al's life enough with being stubborn, I made Winry cry all the time, too. I certainly destroyed the Hughes' lives through and through. How many more people have to get hurt because of my actions?"

"So back to the original question, why the hair?" I asked tentatively.

Edward drew in a shaky breath. "I was so devastated that I went and sought professional help. After a month of talking to someone, I came to the conclusion it was time to separate myself from a lot of things. My father, Ilyich... I just couldn't look in the mirror anymore and be okay with what I saw. I'm still on a medication that I can take when I need it, some days the anxiety gets the better of me."

I was silent for a moment before stating an obvious fact that was overlooked. "You were not responsible for what happened to Maes, Ed."

"It certainly doesn't feel that way. It's hard for me to see past the fact that Envy did it to get to me. Some days I feel like I've moved past that, but on the worst days I...," He paused, his voice catching in his throat. "The shame of everything I did and the consequences just piles on. Ilyich was the first person to break down that wall, to get past my insecurities. He did so much to gain my trust and when I realized I was falling hard for him, he accepted it. I miss him so much it hurts."

The shame in his tone made me want to admonish the feelings he held onto so desperately. "Love is never easy."

"Pfft, wise words, fortune cookie."

"I've only told two people this, Edward, so listen closely. Maes was the only person that kept me from blowing my brains out after the war. It got to the point where I felt that he was the only person who really understood what happened to me, and what was still happening to me because of it. I fell in love with who he was, what he stood for. He accepted it, tried to get past his own discomfort to be the person I needed the most. When he met Gracia, I realized I couldn't give him the life he wanted. I couldn't give him children, a family life, a white picket fence. He felt like he was leaving me to wallow in life's misery when he told me he loved her as much as he loved me. I will never regret letting him go for her. In fact," I swallowed hard, squeezing Edward's hand tightly, "she is the only person in this universe that I would have given him up to."

Edward's eyes were widened with complete surprise. He glanced away, as if afraid to look me in the eyes. We sat in silence for quite some time, holding onto each other's hand tightly. It was then that I really felt the effects of the alcohol hitting me. Part of me was embarrassed at the confession. It had been years, YEARS, since I told anyone about the extent of Maes' effect on my life. "Mustang... I-"

"If you say you're sorry, I might actually hit you." I smiled sadly. "Things are out of our control, and sometimes we have to accept that whether we like it or not. You deserved to be with Ilyich, no matter who protested it. I never held you responsible for Maes, and I never will. You were fighting your own battles from the start, as is everyone who puts their life on the line with the military. If not Envy, then some other crazed, power-hungry asshole from a less worthy cause would have been responsible. Who's to say it wouldn't have been Havoc, or Hawkeye? Even myself, for that matter. Everyone is at risk in this lifestyle, for many reasons that are, to reiterate, out of our control."

He nodded, swallowing hard. I took the opportunity to take his hand in both of mine. He clenched his fist, his choked sob wracking his body as he hunched forward. His forehead rested on my hands. I could feel his tears, hot and all to real, against my skin

For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to do.

For him or myself.

So I let him cry. I did not care that there were frozen lines of misery on my hands. In my opinion, it was the least I could do for him. After a few more minutes of the silent sobs shaking through his core, Edward pulled away from me, sitting back. He wiped his face and cleared his throat loudly. I could hear the apology already starting on the tip of his tongue, but I stopped it with a single finger to my own lips. He nodded and exhaled harshly.

"I wish you had come to me about this," I whispered. "You should know by now that bearing these burdens on your own is unnecessary. Friends are there for a reason."

Edward snorted at that, "I guess I didn't realize I had a friend in you. No offense, but you usually suck at this sort of thing. You really channeled Hughes there for a few moments." He brought his tear-filled gaze to mine and I felt myself rocked to my core. Whether he realized it or not, it was a compliment that touched the deeper parts of me.

"He is eternal sunshine, even in death. Nobody can compare, he always knew what to say to people no matter what the situation was," I replied, wiping the tears that had welled in my own eyes. "and I am unfortunately fairly drunk. I can only imagine how you feel right now."

"I can hold my own, even if I'm missing two limbs and a good forty pounds compared to you," Edward smiled slightly. "Not even Al knows what's been going on. He never got to meet Ilyich, and I know he's been worried about me. Cutting my hair was a sure sign something was really wrong. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him."

I leaned back and glanced out the window. At some point, the snow had stopped. I brought myself to a standing position, my head only swimming a little as I cracked the door to the barn open and peered out. "It should be safe." I muttered, stepping out into the frigid air. The moon was bright, reflecting brilliant shades of blue against the snow. I stepped around the corner into the shadow and made sure there weren't any dangers lurking. It would be easy to ambush us in the state we were in. The last thing I wanted was to be sloppy and miss something important.

"Going somewhere?" Edward called out quietly, but firmly, not bothering to hide the vague amusement.

I glanced over my shoulder as I rounded the next corner, motioning for him to go around the opposite side. He nodded, and within moments I saw him just on the other side. I sighed and stuck my hands in my pockets. "Just because I let us be irresponsible and get drunk would be no excuse to put ourselves at a disadvantage. I am going to go find a tree and mark it with utter disregard."

For the first time in a long time, Edward laughed. It was a pure sound, full of the mirth he needed to find again. "That's a little vulgar, even for you. Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

I shrugged, turning towards the line of trees barely fifteen feet out from the building. When I was done, I came around the front and observed Edward for a moment in the silence. He was staring up at the moon, shoulders slack and hands deep in his coat. It was a sight to behold. There was no way to quietly approach, but I did my best to not interrupt the moment he was having with the world. I stood next to him on his right, remaining silent.

"You know," He whispered, "The sky still looks the same here. Often times I wonder if I really left here when I was seventeen or if it really was all just in my head."

"You came back with knowledge of things you couldn't have possibly pulled out of thin air. Whatever truly happened is of no consequence, you came back and that's all that matters."

"That's easy for you to say. I was gone for two years. I would never have figured out that I needed to use my blood to make alchemy work in that place if it hadn't happened by accident like it did. I'm lucky I didn't lose any more limbs coming back through that fucking Gate." Edward shook his head, kicking at the snow. He pulled his hands out of his pockets, running both of them through his hair once more.

I hesitated for a moment, but stuffed the feeling down. I reached out and laced the fingers of my left with his right. Edward looked at me curiously and I smiled, a drunken blush spreading across my features. "You're drowning, Ed," I finally said. "You need to let someone pull you out of the water or you'll sink."

He stared at me, a confused frown fleeting across his features. I stared back, not quite stoic, allowing him to interpret it as he wanted. "You're drunk." He said finally, shaking his head.

"That doesn't change much, does it?"

"It could," He pointed out, "if by morning you don't remember."

I sighed, positioning myself in front of him, my hand still gripping his. With my right, I cupped his jaw. "I can't be everything you need right now, but whatever it is that will get you through this, I can at least be that."

**Soooo...This happened. I was bribed with pumpkin pie. Can you really blame me? Reviews are welcome :) Thanks for reading! xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, here we go. Stuff. Junk. Anyway, this shouldn't have taken this long. However, I got hit by a car. I made the local paper. Their online article had people freaking out. It amused me greatly that people want to dispute the fact I was on my bike, but facts are facts. I was halfway through a crosswalk and got clipped. In short, if this is weird or something seems weird with this chapter you have my deepest apologies. I can't sit for very long due to having landed on the right side of my body after sailing through the air, and I'm all doped up on percocet just to get through the day. It's kind of amusing. But probably only to me. Okay. Here we go. Also, I realized that I'm terrible with disclaimers. Come on now...It's not mine. We all know this. Otherwise it wouldn't be FANfiction :D  
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The kiss wasn't planned. I hadn't meant for it, but my body took over before conscious thought caught up. Edward froze in my grasp, his body going rigid as my lips pressed harder. When it hit me that what I was doing wasn't what I had meant, I was already opening my mouth against his. I held still for a moment, ready to pull away, when I felt his hands slide up the back of my arms and grip my shoulders.

His lips parted tentatively, not quite reciprocating, but at least it was some kind of redemption to the horror playing across my thoughts.

My forehead pressed against his, breath almost ragged in the freezing air. Before I could apologize, he murmured, "You're fucked up right now, aren't you? More than you were letting on. Fucking bastard, I should have known better..."

The half-hearted laugh I let out surprised even myself. His skin was cold to the touch. "I think we better get that fire going before we freeze to death."

I released Edward from my grip and he did the same, following me back into the barn. We stood in silence as I slid the door closed, ignoring the shiver working its way down my spine. He glanced around and without warning clapped his hands together, placing his palms to the dirt floor. Amidst the glow, a circle about three feet in diameter and three or four inches high appeared. I watched him eye the rest of the barn and he walked casually towards one of the piles of broken boards and planks. His hands worked their magic and within moments he dropped a small bundle of alchemized logs into the middle, staring at me expectantly.

I smiled a little and without being prompted, snapped my fingers. The flames erupted and the blaze died to a small fire within the ring.

"Good to know that even as wasted as you are, you're still able to control it." He snorted, shaking his head.

I studied him for a moment before shrugging. What was I supposed to say?

Edward sat at the edge of the fire, pulling his legs up. His chin rested on his knees, staring blankly into the dancing flames. I inhaled deeply, feeling brave. I sat not quite behind him, but off to the side kicking my right leg out while my left remained folded against me and his lower back, resting my chin on his shoulder.

He glanced at me, the confusion beyond evident in his features. I hated the way he almost looked distrustful. "I didn't expect you to mean anything intimate with what you said to me, you know," He spoke slowly, "and it's really unfair of you to provoke things that I'd long since buried."

I frowned at that. "I'm not sure what you mean."

He sighed, the exhale harsh. "I had it bad for you. For quite a few years, I might add. Like I said earlier, you're a fucking bastard and you're drunk. Hell, I'm drunk. Should have known better than to trust you, Mustang."

"I'm not doing this because I'm drunk," I replied.

"Really," He drawled, the roll of his eyes evident in his tone. "You just suddenly decided to indulge me in your homoerotic tendencies and then act on them? Very professional. I thought maybe your paternal instincts were taking over earlier. Then you went and molested me."

I chuckled, burying my nose in his neck. "Yet you haven't pushed me away or told me to fuck off. How noble of you."

"Fuck you."

Edward sighed again, and I could feel him hugging his legs tighter. "You used to make me so insecure, I never once thought you gave a shit beyond the responsibility of being my superior. Al had to talk me down so many times from wanting to smash your face into that neatly organized desk. The thought of all that paperwork flying everywhere was extremely satisfying, by the way."

"You're not the only one with a broken soul. Is it really so hard to imagine other people in pain? That others can't suffer, overcome and move on? You talk like I could never have an emotional response to you. It's hard not to, especially when you suffer in such obvious silence."

"Then tell me," Edward growled, "what changed in the last few hours that makes you think you can do this? Because I don't play games, Mustang. So if this is just your way of licking your own wounds than you can fuck off. I've had enough of letting someone else's pain take priority over my own."

I ran my hand down his automail arm, gently interlacing our fingers. I could feel his heart rate skyrocket. "It wasn't the last few hours, Edward. Something broke when you disappeared. The only reason I was back in Central was because of Alphonse. In fact, the only reason I gained my status as General was also because of your brother. Things don't always go as planned, and then you showed up out of nowhere bloody and broken as usual."

Edward was quiet now, save for the short breaths. I could tell he was trying to maintain his composure. It was strange how I missed his impulsive, emotional outbursts at times like these. At least I wasn't left guessing what was on his mind.

"Al's kinda told me about it, or at least what he knew. It didn't make a whole lot of sense at the time to me, so I accepted it. He was determined to find me, and you were one of the few who could have helped him in any way. I'm grateful you came back to help him."

Edward leaned back against me a little, the tension fading just enough. The fire crackled and popped in front of us, shadows dancing along the walls. I bravely snuck my left arm around his waist. He tensed briefly, shooting me a shy, wide-eyed glance as a light blush assaulted his cheeks. I tried my best not to smile into his shoulder. I found it hard to admit to myself I actually missed his behavior from former years. It was harder yet to realize I could coax it out of him with just enough prodding.

I wasn't sure how long we sat like that, just silence between us and the slow burn in front of us. Edward hummed softly, letting more of his weight fall against me. "I don't know if I can do this," He whispered, "I can't give everything to you, and I won't. We'll probably fight a lot because of it. There are things I won't compromise on, and I know that it will be the same for you. We have always butted heads on the stupidest shit, but I won't give in when I don't need to."

"Most of that is because you unfortunately still have to report to me. A lot of those issues could be resolved if you didn't renew your contract with the State. However, that is a decision for you to make on your own. Do you feel as though you aren't capable to separate the professional aspect from personal?"

"Is that a fucking joke, Mustang? The two have been one in the same since I earned my title as State Alchemist. I've never had to separate the two, without one, there was no reason for the other. Things were easier back then. Find the stone, fix Al, myself if possible, and drop this gig like a bad habit. Next thing I know, I'm twenty-fucking-four and still a lapdog. So was Al, no thanks to you." Edward sounded almost bitter about it.

I resisted the urge to point out it was Alphonse's choice to renew his contract. The issue was pointless to press further, Al had been out of the military for almost two years now. Instead, I murmured, "It was the only way he could get the means to find you. He rather enjoyed being referred to as the Soul-Bound Alchemist. You two have reached a level of celebrity that I don't think anyone imagined possible."

Edward snorted, a short laugh escaping him. "I'm surprised I wasn't kicked out before I went through the gate. More surprised they bought my 'I was held prisoner and don't know where or by who for two whole years.' I sure as fuck was not going to tell them what really happened."

"Even if you're vague on the details, I'm glad you at least came clean with where you were."

Edward smiled sadly, eyes shut tightly. "Selig sind, die da Leid Tragen. Die mit Tranen Saen, werden mit Dreuden ernten," He whispered, tears brimming his lashes. "Denn alles Fleisch, es ist wie Gras. So seid nun geuldig, denn alles Fleisch, es ist wie Gras... Ich hoffe auf dich, denn wir haben hie kiene bleibende Statt."

He was only silent for a few moments before clearing his throat. "Sometimes I can't remember how to speak German. When it finally resurfaces, it is always those lines."

"What does it mean?"

Edward took a shaky breath, replying, "'Blessed are they who bear suffering. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. For all flesh, it as grass. So be patient, for all flesh, it is as grass. My hope is in you, for here we have no lasting place.' It's the saddest shit I've ever heard in my life. I cried in public at a damn concert hall during a performance of this German requiem by a composer that had been dead for quite some time. It was about the death of his mother and a close friend. The music, composition... Just everything about it was amazing. Sometimes I forget how the music went, but it does come back to me every once in a while."

I was taken aback when he started humming again. I would never have guessed he was capable of anything musical. Gently, I nosed the back of his neck. I inhaled deeply, listening as his humming turned to softly sung words. It soothed the harsh consonants compared to the spoken words. The words and his tone made me ache in a way that just didn't compare to his pain.

I pressed light kisses to the nape of his neck, ultimately distracting him in the end. He cleared his throat as his shoulders started to hunch. "No need to be shy." I whispered, my breath hot against his cold ear. I felt him shudder from head to toe. I continued to line his neck and jaw with kisses until he finally kicked a leg out, scooting himself so his right shoulder was against my chest.

"I swear, you're the only person who can embarrass me like this." He stated it almost defiantly. "It's awful."

I chuckled as he arranged himself against me. "You say that, but then you sidle up like this and I'm not inclined to believe you."

"I can't stand when my shoulder aches like it is. My leg is different, I've got enough layers to keep it warm."

I knew he was truly in pain if he was verbalizing it. Teasing him further, even playfully, would be just mean. Instead of saying anything, I pulled the hood of his coat up and over his head. Edward froze for a moment, then shook the hood back to glare at me. "You should consider getting some sleep, tomorrow is going to be rough and we won't have anything to eat until we get to the train station."

"What about you?"

"If I were tired I'd be curled up already."

"Tch, you're a voyeur and a creep. I can't sleep when my back feels like it's in a vice grip. It is damn near impossible without pain killers and I hate taking those. They fuck me up too much. Can't afford to be in a drug induced coma for eight hours until it wears off."

"A voyeur? Honestly, I'm not sure if I qualify for that right now. You're unfortunately still fully clothed." The retort was gentle and obvious teasing, and I was glad it was received the way I meant it.

Edward smiled, burying his face in my chest. "I'm sure I can rectify that as soon as we aren't at risk for freezing to death. I'm not up for getting frostbite tonight, sorry."

"Can I make a request?" I asked.

Edward pulled away enough to glance at me curiously. "I won't guarantee I'll grant it until I hear it."

It was hard to keep a straight face as I replied, "My only request is that if you decide to lounge around naked, I'd like for you to smoke a cigarette and maybe cross and uncross your legs for me?"

His eyes widened with fear briefly and then he burst out laughing. "You had better be fucking kidding. There's no way I'm doing that!" He gripped the front of my coat hard enough that I was sure it was the only way he kept from rolling on the ground.

"Which part? If it's the cigarette, we can work with that. It doesn't even have to be lit."

"Fuck, Mustang, seriously? Am I even getting paid for it?"

It was my turn to laugh. He actually sounded serious about being paid.

I thought for a moment before replying, "Can I pay you with food?"

"Be prepared to pay up in hundreds of pounds of meat. I'm not cheap, you know. In fact, I don't think I should lower my standards to your boring cigarette fetish!"

He had me laughing again. I cupped his cheek in my right hand lifting enough so his eyes would meet mine. "It's not about the cigarette. It's about you, just flesh and steel. I appreciate the finer things in life, Edward."

Edward's face flushed, and he quickly jerked his hood back up. "You mentioned I should sleep, right? I think I'll be doing that now."

"Ah, going to play coy and innocent?"

"Nope, just not gonna discuss this in subzero temperatures. Frostbite, remember?" He mumbled.

I smiled, resting my cheek on the top of his head. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

.

..

...

When the first hints of dawn broke through the window, I wanted to curse the dull gray haze. Edward had fallen asleep a couple of hours ago, a warm contrast as the fire died. I tilted his head back, carefully examining his face. His lips were pale, at least there was that. I shivered as the chill settled on my neck again. I dropped my head slightly, brushing my lips against his.

His eyes shot open, dazed and confused. Only after blinking a few more times did he seem to realize where he was. "Creep." He muttered, turning his face away from the dawn streaming in. "Couldn't let me sleep a little longer? Or was it your perverted impulse again?"

"I could have, but the fire has gone out and we should really get to the station as soon as possible. I don't want to be in this weather any longer than necessary."

Edward pulled himself into a sitting position, rubbing his face with both hands dramatically. "Pretty sure I'm still drunk."

"I know," I chuckled. "you're not the only one."

"Hey, I've got a really great idea," Edward interrupted. "How about we get our asses in gear and sleep on the fucking train."

I shook my head snorting. It was difficult for either of us to hide the grin we both wore.

* * *

.

..

...

"I'm nervous..."

"You really shouldn't be, you seem like you already know what's coming."

Edward sighed melodramatically. "I am not ready to be called 'Uncle Ed.' He better be telling me they're engaged. Or that someone's dying."

"You'd rather find out someone is on their deathbed than find out your precious brother is going to be father?" I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

He shrugged. "It's disturbing to think of my intellectual brother giving into his basic human needs for that wrench-weilding demon. Can you imagine her with more unpredictable, raging hormones? I won't be able to hit her back when I get my upgrades or if I need something fixed."

I was tempted to play psychologist to him, point out that maybe his insecurity was due to the loss of the relationship with Ilyich and his sons. I wasn't heartless though. Edward was most likely already aware of it. He was too pigheaded to admit it out loud. Too proud to show a weakness for something as simple and innocent as children.

Edward watched the scenery fly by through the window and traced circles I couldn't see on the glass. "You're thinking so loud, I can almost hear you."

Edward grinned at me. "Ahh, just realized we drank my gift to them. Or at least, Al's gift. It's not important, though. If it were, it wouldn't have been drunk in the first place. Still surprised you didn't hit me."

"Depending on preference and culture, that would have been a precursor to foreplay and sex."

"Do you always have to say shit like that? It doesn't make you sound educated, you just sound like a creepy, old pervert!" Edward muttered loudly.

I leaned over, breath hot against his ear. "You don't mind, quit acting like it matters."

He turned, putting himself within distance of my lips. He froze, analyzing me carefully. "Depending on preference and culture, it could be a precursor to foreplay and sex." As he spoke, his lips were almost brushing against mine. Our eyes locked in a brief moment of understanding and without warning he promptly turned back to the window.

It was definitely going to be a grueling train ride now.

* * *

By the time the cab dropped us off at my house, it was already mid evening once more. The moment we were in the door, Edward was peeling off his military coat and boots, tossing them more towards the general direction of the foyer. He had already untucked his thermal sweatshirt and undershirt, yawning loudly by the time I was getting my own boots off.

"Bed...Please tell me you're human enough you have a comfy bed?" Edward's eyes were starting to droop, dangerously close to the edge of falling asleep on his feet.

I held onto his shoulders, leading him down the hall. When we reached the bedroom, he flopped down on top of the comforter. He groaned and yanked a pillow under his head, burying his face in it.

I circled around to the left side of the bed and sat on the edge, shedding the rest of my clothes. I left the undershirt and my boxers on, sliding underneath the blanket. Edward stared at me through one eye that was barely open. He mumbled something, but it was muffled by the pillow.

"Hmm?"

"I said, you better let me sleep this time, you pervert!" Edward groaned, making me laugh a little.

I reached over, sliding a hand through his hair. "You don't have to sleep on top of the blanket. We're both adults, just because we're in the same bed doesn't mean we can't just sleep."

Edward groaned in response. "Too fuckin' sore to move anymore. Sleeping outdoors when it's this cold was a horrible idea..."

"No, the horrible idea was picking a fight with locals and having to run for our lives." I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah," He chuckled, "there's also that. I'm two for two then on terrible fucking ideas."

"Seriously, Ed, you'll be more comfortable if you get underneath the covers. You don't even look warm."

He shot me an annoyed glance, but sat up anyway. His hair stuck up in various directions, though he didn't seem to notice. After tugging off his socks and the military issued trousers, I noticed he was messing with something on his left leg. A sound of annoyance escaped him, and then he sighed. "Should have just cut this shit off..." He mumbled, clapping his hands together. I wasn't quite sure what he had messed with.

Edward shucked the thermal shirt , leaving him in just a tank top and his shorts. Finally he crawled underneath, groaning again.

"Roll over," I coaxed him, nudging with knee and foot. His eyes told me he was only going to be compliant with my requests for so long and then snap. Reluctantly, he rolled over onto his left side. I gently placed my hands on his lower back, pressing and kneading up his spine. I met resistance at first, which I expected. A few spots around the port made him jerk unexpectedly with a hiss of pain. I worked them as best I could before he started to relax.

Hesitantly, I pulled myself closer, draping an arm over his side. Not even the cool touch of automail could prevent me from being comfortable. Edward wasn't asleep yet, stiffening as I settled in behind him. He turned a little, eyeing me suspiciously before turning in my arms to face me. "Can't lay on that side, it goes numb." He mumbled.

I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly. I felt him run his fingertips along the back of my arm and over my shoulder blades. I was tempted to tease him, it was hard to resist. Instead, I fell into the sensation and found it lulling me to sleep faster.

* * *

**There will most likely be some delightfully explicit scenes in the next chapter. Also. Thank you to those who have reviewed and messaged me :D it causes warm tinglies in my girly parts. Thanks for reading, it also makes me warm and fuzzy on my insides. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm going to attempt updating via phone. So seriously work with me here haha, between auto correct and my stupid hands and narcotics, this might end in tears! Found out I officially have a pelvic fracture. Nothing but time will heal it, and I go back soon to see how well it is healing. Thanks for reviews so far, and to those lurking and reading!**

**As promised, this is your warning for some **  
**serious blood pressure raising scenes Bahahaha. And also, not my characters, not my storyline, just good ol' FANfiction XOXO**

* * *

I woke up to the pattern of slow, lazy circles being traced down my spine. Instead of lifting my head or opening my eyes, I chose to revel in the contact. Edward's expert knowledge of muscles and how to work them was relaxing, tempting me back into sleep. I groaned quietly, burying my face into his neck.

He chuckled, leaning his cheek against my forehead. "Good morning, General."

I groaned louder in response, shifting my right leg that was trapped between his thigh and knee. The moment I did, I realized I pushed my groin into his right leg.

I froze, not exactly horrified, but definitely verging on embarrassed. Edward raised his leg, grinding it against me in response. My breath hitched, causing my voice to go about an octave higher as I mumbled, "Apparently a VERY good morning."

I lifted my head to look him in the eyes. Edward stared back, very obviously amused at the moment. I ran my right hand down his side tentatively, watching his eyes flutter shut and his lips part slightly as I gripped his ass tightly.

I leaned up, gently kissing him. He responded enthusiastically, lips parting further. Without hesitation I deepened the kiss, bringing my hips forward only to be rewarded with a sharp gasp.

Edward ran his left hand through my hair, eyes screwed tight as my hand ventured from his backside to his hip. I felt my breath catch as I bravely pressed my palm against the front of his boxers. The material was slightly damp and burning from his desire trapped beneath.

A soft whimper escaped Edward's lips as I experimentally gave a squeeze. His hand in my hair tightened, but not quite pulling as I continued to grind the heel of my palm into his erection. When his breath hitched, I could feel his cock give a tangible twitch. It resulted in his hand leaving its death grip on the back of my head and instead gripping my offending hand. He pressed down with considerable force, lifting his hips to meet the motion and friction he created.

I kissed him again, even though he was panting and shuddering from his own ministrations. I gripped him through the thin material once more and he cried out, tearing my hand away.

"Fuck," He whispered into my kiss. I let him pull my arm up behind his head. "I'm sorry. I-I just...it's too soon, I can't..."

I smiled at him, then kissed his cheek, pulling myself onto my knees above him. "I understand, Ed. It's unfortunate, but endearing."

Edward grimaced, sighing. "I would like to ask something important of you, Mustang."

"And that would be...?" I inquired.

His gaze met mine hesitantly. "Would you come with me to visit Al?" He asked quietly.

I grinned a little, quirking an eyebrow. "Any reason in particular that you want me to?"

He looked away for a brief moment, blushing. "I would like him to show you some of the massage techniques for my automail. I had originally asked Ilych, but... that obviously didn't pan out like I expected."

I felt a flush rise on my own cheeks. It was an incredibly personal request. I lowered myself against him, leaving a gentle trail of kisses down his jaw and neck, my hands trailing up his neck and fingers tangling in his short hair before I replied, "I would love to, Edward."

His hands ran up my sides as he whispered, "I love the way you touch me, Mustang."

"And what way would that be?" I teased.

Edward's hands rested on my shoulder blades, digging into the flesh a little when his grip tightened. He looked scared as he whispered, "Like I matter."

* * *

The train ride was long and uncomfortable. A few times I noticed the was Edward shifted uncomfortably in the seat, but I refrained from pointing it out. I was sure there were a myriad of reasons; anxiety being one of many I considered. He had confessed to me that he hadn't seen Al or Winry since he chopped off his braid.

When we finally strolled up to the front porch at sunset, luggage in tow, Alphonse came barreling out the front door. Edward dropped his bag, gathering his brother up in a tight embrace.

"God, I've missed you!" Al shouted, damn near took him to the ground in his excitement.

I muffled a laugh behind my hand as Alphonse released his brother. "Good evening, Alphonse. How has life been since the military?"

The young man laughed, shrugging. "It's been all right, Sir. I'm surprised you're here. What brings you this far? Couldn't have been the stellar company, that's for sure!" He winked at me as Edward playfully slugged him in the arm.

"Fuck you, Al! Unlike everyone else, I see through your backhanded compliments, you little shit!" Ed hooked an elbow around Al's neck, effectively pulling him into a headlock.

"Okay, okay! Mercy!" Alphonse wailed playfully. Edward released him, looking rather smug. "Damn, you didn't have to use your right arm! Now everyone will think Winry choked me out again."

Edward laughed, and laughed hard. "I don't even want to know. Can we please go inside now? I smell dinner cooking and it's killing me!"

Alphonse led the way inside, pointing upstairs for us to deposit our things. I stood in the doorway of the room, observing only one large bed in the corner. Edward tossed his bag in the corner and flopped back onto it, sighing. "I should have mentioned you were coming, Al would've set up another bed. As long as you don't mind sharing for a few nights..."

I smirked, sauntering over to him. I dropped my bag next to his and leaned over him, letting my lips hover above his. "I don't mind if you don't, Edward."

He reached up, fingertips brushing along my jaw. He smiled then, an almost cocky expression. "I wish you didn't have to shave. I like you a little scruffy."

I placed both hands on either side of his head, kissing him gently. Edward smiled into the kiss, a slight laugh passing his lips. "And what, exactly, is so funny?" I demanded playfully.

"It's nothing," He responded, smiling a little more while he slid his hands up the backs of my arms. His fingertips seemed to map every curve of muscle and flesh as they trailed to my shoulders. "I am just...infatuated with you. I think I'm embarrassed by my own feelings, and that you can make me feel this way."

I leaned forward, pushing our hips together. "I've never known you to be embarrassed easily."

Before I could react or even comprehend what happened, Edward had me flipped on my back and was straddling my hips. My arms were pinned above my head, his grip firm. His eyes searched mine in silence, chewing his lip. I should have been embarrassed that I was already hard from the sequence of events, but it was mostly the gorgeous man above me taking control that was so arousing.

"Ah. Is this a bad time? You can eat later if you'd rather continue..." Came Alphonse's amused comment from the doorway.

Both of us snapped our heads to the left. Al was leaning against the door frame casually, that classic Elric smirk plastered on his face. Edward released me, sitting up so fast he scrambled for a moment. I caught him by his hips, pulling myself upright in the same motion. Edward hid his face in his hands, flushing a brilliant shade of scarlet I hadn't seen before.

Alphonse cackled, his head thrown back in pure amusement. "So is this why you brought him along? To tell us in person that you're seeing him?"

Edward slumped in horror, and I found myself laughing. I hugged him, my forehead resting against his collar bone. "Can we please discuss this later!" Ed all but shrieked, his tone elevated. "Fuck, not what I wanted you to walk in on. I'm going to kill you if you fuckin' say one more word, Al."

The younger Elric continued to laugh as he turned and headed down the stairs.

"You know," I mused, "I think I like you in this position." I rolled my hips against his for emphasis, causing him to put his left hand over my face. He pushed me back onto the bed and climbed off.

"Fucking pervert," He grumbled, but the smile playing on his lips allowed me to believe he accepted the comment.

After an awkward meal with Al and Winry, the mechanic grabbed Edward, dragging him to the back of the shop. He glanced over his shoulder, eyes pleading for Al or I to save him. We both smiled innocently as he disappeared through the doorway.

Al leaned back in his chair, smirking at me. "So, General Mustang. How long have you been having office trysts with my insubordinate brother?"

I chuckled, scratching my chin. "It's really not what you think. Not yet, at least. He's being delightfully shy about our relationship."

"Shy is not usually in Ed's vocabulary. I'm glad, though. A few months ago, I was seriously worried. He cut his hair, he was obviously depressed. Even Hawkeye was freaked out. Called Winry to ask what the hell happened because he started wearing the issued uniform. At that point, I didn't know what to say about him."

I nodded in agreement. "I was concerned, but I didn't know how to approach him without pissing him off. All it took was both of us drunk to work it out, apparently."

Al shook his head, laughing slightly. "I can't wrap my head around you two hooking up." His tone turned more serious as he added, "You know, he was in love with you when we were still just kids. Not that I'm saying it's your fault-I'm positive you had no clue, but it really fucked with him when he figured it out. Especially when you had to do your job and tell him what a fuck-up job he'd done."

I chewed the inside of my lip, feeling a little guilty. "I wish I'd had even the slightest inclination. I didn't even know his sexual preference until recently. It came as a surprise, that's for sure."

"What about you, then? If I remember correctly, you are supposed to be the greatest womanizer. What happened there?"

I flashed him a wide grin. "I can't say it isn't true. Women are amazing creatures, but in all honesty, Edward is far more attractive and enticing. He was attractive before, but the short hair? I would've lusted after him openly were I ten years younger."

Alphonse snorted, shaking his head. "So is he your first?"

"There have only been a select few men. Looking back, they were the more serious relationships I have had. I don't intend to hurt Edward with the curiosity of a homosexual relationship; I know how to be with a man, emotionally and sexually."

Alphonse smiled in earnest. "Good, because I would hate to transmute your genitals inside out if you do something incredibly stupid like cheat on him with a woman."

I must have paled at his comment. His smile turned to that wicked Elric smirk once again.

Alphonse stood, clearing the table. I followed suit, grabbing the remaining dishes and followed him into the kitchen.

"I know Edward wanted to ask you himself, but he was hoping you could teach me some massage techniques while we were here."

Alphonse smiled again. "He must trust you a great deal. Not many people know it's something he needs to have done. At least once a week, but daily would be preferred for his shoulder. Winry has tried to get him to adopt a more lightweight attachment, but he refuses. It's hell on his back, though. Same with his leg. It forces him to stay in great shape, but it is still hard on his body to compensate for the weight difference."

"I noticed on the train that he shifted around a lot. I didn't realize before how different he has to carry himself." I replied, slipping the dishes into the water.

Just then, a muffled and very angry outburst echoed through the house. Al and I froze, glancing nervously from each other to the dining room. He set a pile of plates on the counter and scratched his head nervously. "I, uh, I'm going to go make sure they aren't bludgeoning each other with spare limbs or tools."

I watched him leave and nervously began washing the dishes. Twenty minutes or so passed when I heard a door slam and Edward's angry voice traveled through the rooms. "Crazy fucking bitch just detached it without warning! What the fuck did she think would happen!"

"Really, brother? Kicking oil at her was going to solve what, exactly?" Alphonse asked calmly.

"Made me feel better, that's for damn sure!"

Edward hobbled into the dining room, a crutch under his left arm. I leaned against the door frame, frowning. He glared at me, as if daring me to make a demeaning comment.

We continued staring at each other until he demanded indignantly, "What! She took my damn leg! Am I supposed to jump with joy? Fucking hurts like hell!"

"Ed, why don't we head upstairs so I can show Roy those massages. You need to relax." Alphonse interrupted, overly cheerful as he grabbed Edward by his shoulders to lead him towards the stairs before his brother could argue.

With little help, Edward made it up the steps. Alphonse trailed hesitantly behind him into the bedroom. I found myself lingering back. I had never seen him without his limbs unless they were broken and damn near torn off.

I watched curiously as Al helped him onto the bed, then pulled up a stool from the corner. He glanced over his shoulder at me, eying me curiously. I inhaled sharply and got closer. Al gently pulled Edward's shirt off, tossing it to the end of the bed. Then he gripped his brother's boxers and gently stripped then off.

Edward tensed, burying his face into the mattress as Al began to work on his shoulders. I stood behind him, watching how he felt the tissue before pressing into it. As I stood there, Alphonse explained what he was doing, instructing me how to touch and feel for the areas that needed the most attention.

Once it came closer to what Al lovingly referred to as Edward's "gluteous maximus," he generously dumped the massage oil onto my hands and placed them where he claimed usually needed the most work. A few times Edward cried out in pain or whimpered, which turned the sadistic grin on Alphonse's lips to sympathy. When I felt down Edward's right leg, he jerked involuntarily. His thigh was tense and it took awhile before he relaxed under my touch.

Alphonse slid off his stool and gestured for me to sit in his place. I continued to work my way down Edward's leg, I barely noticed Alphonse leaving the room, the click of the door closing hardly registering. I gently worked my fingers back up his leg, sliding my hand sensually up the inside of his thigh. His breath hitched when I started pressing into the thigh of his left leg, carefully working around the metal encasing his amputation.

"That little shit left, didn't he?" Edward mumbled, his voice muffled by the bed.

I glanced at the closed door and an odd nervousness creeped up on me. "He did."

"Conniving little bastard, probably going to go fuck Winry in the shop. Ridiculous..." He growled.

I laughed before I could stop myself. "It might have more to do with leaving us alone. Considering you're more oiled up than a machine and nude, I don't blame him."

An awkward moment of silence fell between us as I trailed both hands up the backs of his thighs, gripping his ass playfully. He tensed and moaned, pressing his hips into the mattress hard when I took it upon myself to bravely spread his cheeks.

He drew his hands up, gripping the sheets as I smoothed my palms up his back. I felt my desire coil between my legs and against my better judgement, I placed a few kisses along his spine.

For a moment I wondered if Edward had stopped breathing until a shudder ran its way down his body. I grabbed the hand towel off the nightstand and cleaned the massage oil off as best I could before rubbing the back of his neck, murmuring a quiet apology.

He turned to face me and looked at me curiously. "You don't need to apologize. It's just that...I'm not used to this kind of attention."

"Do you want to sit up? I can grab a sheet for you." I replied.

He shook his head, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he leaned up on his elbows. I couldn't stop myself as I pulled him into a harsh, open mouthed kiss. Both of my hands cupped his cheeks, one trailing down to the back of his neck. He kissed back, biting at my bottom lip and tongue. Without hesitation, he slipped his right arm under my left and pulled me onto the bed as he rolled both of us, not breaking our kiss.

Edward's dexterous fingers had my button-up shirt off in moments, running his palms down my chest. I pulled away long enough see the wild look in his eyes. "Ed...," I barely managed to whisper. My throat was tight, and we were both panting.

He blinked slowly, shallow breaths resonating between us. I pushed myself back onto my heels, running my palms down his sweat slicked sides. I maintained eye contact with him, leaving a trail of light bites and kisses until I reached the curve of his narrow hips.

I cupped his sex gently, and glanced down with a shaky breath. The first thing I noticed was he kept himself shaved. I grinned wickedly, licking my lips. "Well, well," I said, my voice strained and sounding husky as I met his gaze once more.

Edward was flushed, lust taking precedence over everything as I gripped the base of his cock. His shoulders dropped and his head hit the bed with a soft thump.

I kissed down the inside of his left thigh, brushing the stubble on my cheek against it as I brought myself back up. His thighs shook, and tensed sporadically.

I didn't hesitate in taking him into my mouth, pushing my tongue against the underside hard. A choked, high pitched whimper made me moan as I drew back up his length. I kissed the head, my tongue slipping against it.

For a moment, I thought my sense of touch deceived me. I drew back slowly, and pulled the head apart with my thumb and forefinger. I glanced up at Edward, but he was still burying his face in his hand. The question and hesitation must have been expected, because he managed to gasp the words "Xingese body modification."

I gently teased his split urethra, causing all sorts of unintelligible and interesting noises to spill from his lips. He kept grinding his hips into the bed, tipping them forward as I continued to push him farther into my mouth and throat.

When his thighs began to shake uncontrollably, I pulled my mouth up over the tip and gripped his cock tightly, stroking him hard. He froze, coming hard as I continued to work him.

He let out an incredible moan and his back arched off the bed. I swallowed, kissing and touching my way back up his chest.

Suddenly, his hands tangled into my hair as he gasped, begging me to stop. My heart sank as I complied. He continued to convulse with aftershocks of his orgasm, running his thumb across my lips. "I'm sorry," he panted. "I should have told you I'm extremely sensitive afterwards!"

I leaned up and left a chaste kiss on his lips. "Should've mentioned a few things, to be truthful," I teased.

"Fuck, didn't expect you to go down on me like that or I would have," He laughed between pants. "Rule number one is don't touch me right after an orgasm. Feels like my skin is on fire when I'm touched."

I smiled down at him, leaning on my forearm. "I thought I fucked up when you grabbed two handfuls of hair and started yanking."

Edward laughed softly, running his left hand up my chest. "Sorry, I wasn't really able to communicate the issue. You about threw me into a coma." He leaned up, catching my lips gently with teeth and tongue. "Thanks, though." He teased.

.  
..

* * *

**A/N: so. That happened. Mwahahahaha. It only took me all day to figure out how to accomplish updating this _ but I was determined, dammit! Read, review, touch yourself. Whatever you need to do hahaha. Since I'm kinda doing these updates like this, chapters might not be as long, but that just means more updates, right? Right**.

_**Can't believe I wrote this much on my phone o.O**_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am sooooooo so so so so so incredibly sorry that this is ridiculously behind schedule. Life decided to become ultra ridiculous, and I was in a funk and that in turn crushed any desire to write more than a few sentences at a time...However, since I was/am writing this slowly, I hope that the chapters I updated between my two stories are longer to make up for the lack of updating. But either way, I am ashamed -hides in corner- **

**Aaaaand as usual, I claim nothing. Only the perverted fantasy of a bored dog groomer who has too much time to think about these things ;;. (but apparently not enough time to write them haaa...ahhh this sucks...I'm sorry!)**

* * *

"So," I murmured into the kiss, "what prompts staying all neat and trimmed?" I let my hand wander past his navel, pleased at the tense of muscles as I scraped my nails lightly against the scant hair that remained.

He blushed, burying his face in my shoulder. "It just bothers me. I don't mind body hair on others, though. Just myself. Al used to tell me I was being narcisistic."

I snorted softly into his neckline, trailing my hand lower. Edward gasped as I ran my forefinger across the tip of his cock. "Never would have guessed you were circumcised, either. You're full of surprises, Edward Elric. Tell me more about this Xingese body modification. I'm dying to know."

He groaned and shuddered as I cupped him gently, palming him. "Fuck, you're such an asshole, Mustang." He whispered harshly. Steadily he was becoming tumulscent beneath my palm. "There's actually a really funny story behind that. The idea was Ling's in the first place. I was still trying to figure out why being with women was incredibly unsatisfying."

"How long ago was that?" I asked in earnest.

Edward shrugged, sighing. "Four years ago. Shoulda seen the look on his face when it started bleeding. Looked like someone butchered a calf in his fancy little sex room. Prissy little fuck had it coming, though." He laughed. "He doesn't handle blood very well, I found out. Half way through the incision he started freaking out and I remember I yelled 'Fuck it!' and kept going."

"And the circumcision?"

"Was done when I was born. Dad said it was for hygenic purposes. Had it done to Al, too. It wasn't til I was trapped in the other side of the gate that I realized where he had gotten the idea."

"Common practice, I assume?"

Edward leaned back again, eyes closed as he nodded. A tired sigh escaped his parted lips when he looked up at me. "I swear, nobody makes me more self conscious than you do. I don't understand how you manage it. It's embarrassing."

I smirked and left a chaste kiss on his lips. "I'm not even trying, I promise. I'm just curious, I did not expect you of all people to have these kinds of surprises. It's quite erotic."

"Oh, shut the fuck up! Not trying, my ass!" He exclaimed quietly, lips fighting the tug of a smile. "You're quite the fucking pervert yourself! A dirty, old man! Lured me up here, along with Al, under the false pretense of an automail massage and then you end up sticking my dick half way down your gullet."

I dropped my forehead against his in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. The laughter caught in my throat when Edward bravely brushed his fingertips against the front of my pants.

"You're still hard," He whispered in my ear, "and I could use some help getting a shower." His palm pressed harder in emphasis.

* * *

After helping Edward wiggle into boxers and getting down the stairs, we met Alphonse exiting the bathroom.

Of course, he had that damn smirk again. His eyes shined mischievously as they swept down his brother's body. "Careful of the noise level, boys. The lady and I are heading to bed soon. The only part of the house that's been sound-proofed is the shop."

Ed muttered something at his brother along the lines of "shut the fuck up," and Alphonse slipped past us silently with the same grin.

I gently closed the door behind us, sliding the lock into place for good measure. Edward balanced himself against the sink, watching me curiously for a moment before staring at the floor with feigned interest.

"You look as though you have something on your mind." I stated quietly.

He shrugged, smiling a little. "I suppose you could say that. I'm just trying to process this situation. Trying to reassure myself we didn't freeze to death in that barn and that this isn't my own personal hell."

"I didn't think the last couple days were THAT bad. Give me some credit here, will you?" I teased in response.

He laughed a little, shaking his head. "Right now is fine, actually. I'm just waiting for the scales to tip. Nothing good ever comes my way, and when it does it never seems to stay. Things always seem to get fucked up somehow, whether it is my fault or not."

I stepped over to him, embracing him tightly. "I told you, I'm going to do whatever you need me to. This is on your terms, Ed. If you need space, I will give it to you. If you start pushing away, I want you to be sure that you're positive you want to let go."

He leaned into the embrace, arms wrapping around my waist. I took the opportunity to hoist him onto the counter top, grinding my hips against his with obvious intentions. He gasped quietly, then hooked his leg behind mine to draw us closer yet.

Edward drew his hands to the front of my chest, his breathing slightly labored when he looked up at me. "I don't want this to just be physical, Mustang."

Part of my brain fractured between persuading him otherwise and just taking what I wanted. The mature, rational portion made me take a step back.

Edward sighed. "I have wanted this for so long, it's like I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm a fucking virgin again."

I smiled at him, finding the admission endearing. "We don't have to rush any of this. Your pace, remember? You don't need feel obligated to act a certain way or do anything."

Edward glanced away, blushing ever so slightly. "This is honestly the first time I've ever let things move this fast. I put Ilych through four months of what was basically abstinence."

"Hmmm, should I feel honored?" I teased.

Edward rolled his eyes at me. "Get a grip, General."

"With pleasure," I grinned.

Edward's eyes widened as a pushed my hand between us, harshly palming him. A cold set of fingers gripped the back of my neck, pulling me closer. "Shower, Roy. Shower." He moaned softly, his breath hitched.

Was it wrong to enjoy this as much as I did? I had wanted him for so long, wondered how he would taste and feel beneath me. Right down to the moans and cries from the way my hands would slide over his body.

It was strange to suddenly realize that this was real. Very frighteningly real. I kissed his half-parted lips and slid him off the counter, bravely pushing his boxers down once more. He smiled at me, but it wasn't out of humor. His hands made quick work of my slacks and when the material dropped to the floor, I almost held my breath.

Edward's fingers traced lines down the curve of my hip. When he ran his finger along the underside of my erection, I shuddered.

. .. ...

The next twenty minutes were a blur of hot water, groping and soap lather. I was taken by surprise by the two piles of clean laundry and a note from Alphonse. It stated that he set up the recovery room for Edward to sleep in tonight.

It was more the fact I had locked the door that bothered me. At what point had he managed to slip in to deposit towels and sleep clothes, then slip away?

I startled Edward when I began to dry him off. He wobbled, gripping the edge of the counter. A few grunts of protest later, I helped him into the bed. Sitting in the edge of the bed, I laid my hand on his knee.

"Will you be okay by yourself or should I stay?"

Edward smiled a little, scratching the side if his head. "It would be nice if you stayed."

I waited until Edward fully relaxed into my chest, finally asleep, before slipping out of the bed. I watched him shift onto his back, appearing so much more vulnerable than if he'd been awake. His right hand curled into a fist momentarily and I could almost feel his breath catch. I hesitated only for a moment, then leaned over him. I gently placed a chaste kiss to his forehead.

Edward's expression went from relaxed to pained. It was only a flash and faded just as quick as it appeared. I chewed my lip in debate of crawling back in beside him, but resisted. I wasn't tired and I knew that the longer I laid there awake I would be tempted to get a little more 'hands-on.'

My feet barely made a sound on the cool concrete as I maneuvered through the unlit shop. As I approached the hallway leading to the kitchen on the left and dining area to the right, I could hear running water accompanied by the distinct clink of dishes.

I peered around the corner, watching Alphonse slump against the sink. He looked exhausted with his shaggy hair sticking up. In the soft lighting, I could pick out hints of red in the bronze.

I cleared my throat, smiling a little when he jumped in surprise. "Still unable to sleep through the night?" I asked, stepping fully into the kitchen.

Alphonse chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. "Sometimes it's hard to shut my brain down. Too many theories and ideas-not enough time. Sleeping tends to become unnecessary once I get started."

I picked up a sheet of paper from the table, examining the careful drafts of what was most definitely not a transmutation circle.

"It looks like a modified car engine." I muttered.

"If I could get enough materials, it would be an engine larger than a car. Problem with that is I don't have the materials to build the shell for it." Alphonse tossed a leatherbound book onto the table. I flipped it open, unsure of what I was really looking at.

The question must have been written on my face when I glanced up at him.

"If I get the fuel mixture right, it would...it would hopefully..." He paused, chewing his lip. "Hopefully reach the stars."

The very notion was astounding. "This is impressive, Alphonse. Have you shown these to Edward?"

As the words drifted off my lips, his expression when from elated to blank.

Scratch that. His eyes held something more.

Definitely fear.

I closed the sketch book gently. When I raised my eyes, he was intently staring at his feet, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Any particular reason you haven't shown these to him?"

He shook his head, but it was barely an acknowledgement of my question. "It's complicated, Roy. If I show these to him, it might upset him."

I frowned, clearly not understanding the problem. "I doubt that. We both know he would be happy. Just because he is a self-proclaimed genius with alchemy doesn't mean he would take offense to your concept."

"It isn't that simple."

"Then simplify it for me. Obviously I don't understand the issue."

Again, he shook his head. "I can't."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Aren't you two a little old for sibling rivalry?"

Alphonse let out a mirthless laugh. "We certainly are, but that isn't what this is about."

"Cut the act, Alphonse." I said shortly.

He shrugged, eyes narrowed with frustration. "It isn't an act."

Stubbornness was obviously an Elric trait.

"This is ridiculous, Alphonse."

He glanced away and tightened his arms around himself, eyes squeezing shut. "I don't know how to bring it up. This is about more than just me. It involves someone he cared about deeply and I don't want to set him on another downward spiral. He has enough on his plate without me dragging out what he has tried so hard to overcome."

It occurred to me then that I wasn't going to get enough of the truth from Alphonse. At least not like this, badgering him without any fact or basis.

Alphonse cleared his throat and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "I don't want to talk about my brother if he isn't present. I don't believe in speaking about people when they can't defend themselves."

My mouth opened, yet no words came forth. Something about this didn't sit right. He was deliberately stalling the conversation, yet I didn't see why. Alphonse didn't wait for me to speak, choosing to step forward and gather the sheets of paper and sketch book off the table. He didn't bother to look at me when he slipped by me, exiting the kitchen.

After a few minutes of thought that went nowhere, I decided to crawl back into bed with Edward. I stared at him for awhile, watching his chest rise and fall. I was again caught up in wondering just what had happened between the brothers these last few years. It wasn't as though they were living their own lives. Everything seemed forced and awkward, but why?

I exhaled sharply and closed my eyes.

* * *

I couldn't be sure of how long I had been asleep. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to realize Edward was gone. Normally, I was not a heavy sleeper. Trained from day one to wake at any odd movement or sound, I felt anxious that he had managed to slip by me unnocticed.

Still groggy and honestly not very aware, I sat up. Must not have been asleep for more than a few hours, my head was pounding with insistence that I lie back down and drift off. Had it not been for the odd clank and sounds of movement in the shop, I would have given in. Curiosity genuinely piqued, I slid off the bed. The door was slightly ajar, letting in the barest hint of lighting throw shadows around.

When I opened it and stepped around the corner, I was stopped dead in my tracks by what I saw.

Edward was sitting upright on the surgery bed, leg reattached, with Alphonse sitting across from him. The way Alphonse sat in between Edward's legs with his own on either side of his brother suggested more than I could comprehend. The hushed tone of Edward's voice left my heart pounding.

I couldn't understand what they were saying to each other.

My blood ran cold when Alphonse ran both hands through Edward's hair, leaning forward and whispering against his lips.

_"I miss the cold nights in Munich." _

Whatever he had whispered made Edward smile sadly, reaching up and grasping Alphonse's wrist in his left hand.

_"We can't,"_ Edward replied. _"Not like this."_

The consonants sounded rough, but familiar. I could hear my blood pounding in my ears, and I was frozed where I stood. Alphonse closed what slight distance remained, and I watched in horror as the kiss went from chaste to intimate in a matter of seconds. Edward's hands immediately went to his brother's shoulders, gently urging him back. His eyes closed tightly and he rested his forehead against the back of his right hand, still clutching Alphonse's shoulder.

"Al," He pleaded. "Come back."

Alphonse stiffened for a moment, looking irritated and hurt. _"This body is only a vessel, Edward."_

He grabbed Edward's chin, lifting so they were eye to eye once more. They sat like that for a few minutes in silence until Alphonse shifted slightly, then rested his head on Edward's left shoulder. Edward ran his hands down his brother's back, drawing him closer. Alphonse gasped slightly, pushing his hips against Edward in a way that made my stomach turn. I physically cringed as he gripped the back of Edward's head, letting out a pained noise.

"God, I hate this," He whimpered.

Edward's hands fisted in Al's shirt. "We can't stay like this. If Winry catches us again, she really will beat me to a bloody pulp."

"I know." Alphonse sounded desperate.

"Seriously, Al, we have to move before-"

"Before what?" I asked loudly. Both the boys jumped in surprise. My legs shook as I forced myself to walk forward. They seemed frozen in place, barely breathing, while I strode past them and through the shop door.

I stumbled my way throughout the house, suddenly realizing I was outside in the porch. My head was throbbing and I wasn't entirely sure of how even my breathing was. My stomach felt like it was in my throat. I tried to swallow as my vision blurred and all sound seemed to disappear.

It wasn't until a tentative hand grasped my arm that I snapped out of my daze, jerking away.

"Wait, please!" The begging tone helped the crash back into reality. I turned around slowly, knowing that if Edward's tone was that helpless and pitiful, this wasn't going to be good. His eyes were wide with fear and what I suspected, and hoped, was shame. "Please, I just... This isn't what you think!"

I snorted, shaking my head. "Of course it wasn't." I remarked dryly. Uncomfortable silence hung between us while we both struggled for words.

Finally, Edward broke the silence with a pained whisper. "It wasn't his soul."

I crossed my arms, turning away from him. "Feel free to elaborate."

* * *

Alphonse sat quietly at the table with his hands folded in his lap. His head was down, eyes bloodshot from crying. Edward stood across the room with an interesting expression I couldn't quite place.

"Are either of you going to talk or do I have to shame one of you into it?" I asked heatedly. More silence rang through the room before I made an agitated noise. "When did this start?"

I stared at Edward hard until he looked away, tightening his arms around himself.

"About a year after he came back." Alphonse whispered.

* * *

**The italics are because I'm lazy and don't want to translate to a different language. So. Roy can't understand what they're saying, but you get to! DUN DUN DUUUUN! O.O dear god, I can't believe this took this long. I'm undeserving of anyone's interest. I'll try harder D: xoxoxoxoxoxo!**


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